One of my very good friends recently celebrated her 35th birthday, she is a wonderful person full of advice, wisdom, strength and an ability to lead and gently guide like no one I have ever met before. I called her midday on her birthday to learn that she had spent the better part of the morning feeling dissappointed that she hadnt accomplished all the things she had hoped to accomplish by this point in her life. I felt sad for her but very confused, she had travelled a good bit, finished college, gotten married, had a good career that she seems to have enjoyed, been a leader and a shoulder for so many, she has done something that is so hard for so many of us- she has revealed pure, raw weakness. I think she is astounding (obviously) but it left me wondering- did she set her expecations too high or are mine too low? I have accomplished a great deal of my like goals and I am not even 25, I set new goals frequently but none are too long terms lest I become discouraged and not even attempt them. When I was 16 my goal was to graduate and get the fuck out of Florida- I graduated at 17 and left and didnt look back (atleast not until recently). When I was 17 I wantted to go to school and learn to help and encourage and heal people, by the time I was 20 I was done with school. I had always wanted to be a mama and a wifey, to settle down and set deep roots and encourage soaring wings for my offspring and while neither my children nor myself are ready for them to take off with those not yet fully developed wings, I feel like I am laying down deep seeded roots in life, love, compassion, manners and dare I say it- faith in Jesus for them. Things that will always stick with them. When my grandma was alive I wanted them to know her and they did. I thoroughly enjoy and appreciate being a mama, I like the park, pool, outings, helping hands, over tired toddlers, projects, and school work. I must admit the marriage aspect of that has proven itself to be quite the challenge but only because I refused to be myself and looking at a marriage that isnt a marriage but isnt broken- but just not there, I realize not all goals are obtainable when they are chased after. I have let down my facade and it seems that the man the state calls my husband is becoming my friend (and dare I say it actually enjoys the weird girl all yall know and not the bitch he has been married to for far too long) and gasp I am actually starting enjoy being around him because I can be myself… wow that was rambling but the ultimate point of this was…are you our expectations too high, too low, non existent fly by the seat of our pants, are we who we want to be or who we think others want to be…who are you? where are you expecations? do you have goals?