I used to be a good writer…

I was just reading through some of my old blog posts on the giggling green beans blog- wow! My pieces were filled with knowledge, straight forward information with a gentle mama hand. Amazing, I sounded like a writer :jaw drop:

Once upon a time, I had dreamt of writing- not only writing but being a war correspondent. The drive came from a war correspondent, who while I was in high school went to OIF and was kidnapped and murdered, well more like tortured and I wanted that so bad. Not to be kidnapped andmurdered but to bring the raw, unadulterated, painful truth to the world. They would read my words, my raw emotion backed by fact and resources and they would believe me. I just knew they would…they had to. Except I never made it to OIF, I never made it to any war or to CU school of journalism, fuck I barely made it through the two journalism classes my lowly community college offered.

I tried but i failed at my dream…Not because I didnt want to but because I was pregnant or had just had a new baby. I got a prized internship to a magazine…but I never showed up- I was huge, pregnant and dare I say it ashamed!! I wanted to write but I let go of that dream to be a mama. Well until yesterday.

Yesterday, I applied to a freelance writing position and while it’s merely a position within a company who contracts for writers…maybe one day I will be a writer…wish me luck

Stress free living…

I swore this year would be the year I showed my husband that I was interested in similar things as him and that I didn’t totally hate the great state of Colorado.

So today we went hiking at a place called sawhill ponds and to be honest I didn’t hate it. It’s the first hike since my surgery and a precursor to a run I intend to take tomorrow! The exercise was minimal, which all good although Jayden made numerous mention of my very fat and jiggly upper hips- maybe its time to start body rock at 6 am before they are awake.

The scenery was lovely, like what you see on discovery channel when they refer to high desert-cacti included. We saw some amazing raptors that had mated and lay eggs, painted turtles, a goose and her nest as well as a ton of fish!! We got to talk about indigenous wildlife and what that means and really explore science hands on!! Which was super fun

So while I may be the color of an over ripe strawberry (freckles included) I can say from where I’m laying I don’t hate Colorado, for right now anyway

Regrets in my parenting world

Yesterday I was sitting at the park with my good friend discussing circumcision, parenting and life. I came to the realization after the words left my mouth ‘I circ’d because I felt pressured’…I felt pressured, I was doubting my ability to teach my children, children I loved, birthed, know wholey, adore…I was doubting my ability to teach my children who I had been teaching since birth. I am not doubting because I lack education or funds for curriculum, social resources- no none of that…I am doubting because people tell me I can’t, won’t, my kids will be fucked up.
The saddest day of my life was the first days of Jaydens years in school 😦 i sent him to school because the school said this is when you do that, and now with Brett I am hearing that again. It hurts my heart, and I feel sad sending Jay back next year.

The only regrets I have parenting are the ones I let other people make for me I love the choices I have made- cloth diaper, home birth, not vaxxing, they were the right choices for me even if they aren’t the right choices for everyone. This is one choice I have decided I don’t care for outside opinions. I love my kids and I want to make choices with my husband that I may regret but will be happy we tried.

Homeschooling = Socially Retarded?

An Anonymous Commenter mentioned socially harming my kids because one of our initial reasons for homeschooling was bullying, which homeschooling will apparently make this worse… 

While I appreciate your concern for our reasons as to why we want to homeschool, upon much more soul searching it has developed into much deeper reasons. He isn’t enjoying school, he isn’t learning as much as he can/wants and its the right choice for our family right now. That all being said socially the kids will be attending a full day of school one day a week, a nature group one morning a week, a general homeschool group another day a week and a gym program one day a week. Not to mention gymnastics, t-ball, football and soccer. We will only be homeschooling through 3rd grade or so. I didn’t get into the teasing aspect too much in the post because its more than teasing, more like physical violence that was not properly addressed. I am sorry if you dont agree with our parenting choices, over the summer (already started) we will homeschool and we will continue, if it goes well, into the school year. PS I graduated from High School homeschooling- socially I am more scarred from elementary bullying than my homeschooling time.

A debate on Facebook

About putting rice cereal in a babies bottle to get them to sleep through the night…my thoughts on sleeping through the night

Never mind that sleep isn’t something to get used to at this point in your mommy career, I have slept maybe 7 nights in the last 21 days. Last night and the night before my 4 year old was crying in pain from his broken arm (that he got from jumping on the couch) because he won’t take the pain med. The week before my 6 yr old has croup so I was up all night with him for 4 days, right before that my baby (2) got a cold- 1 night there, and a few days before that her brother helped her Over the side of the couch and she dislocated her elbow 2 nights there. This part where babies are sweet and snuggly and cute and wake up to eat and go back to sleep is all preparation for life with little kids and then I hear with teenagers (who don’t sleep). So while the hardest transition in life is having one baby ( more get easier) and losing some of our habits, it’s also the time you will look back on most fondly. You have many sleepless nights in your future, get a good coffee pot

What a weekend

As I sit in my shorty 2-40s hospital room waiting for him to wake up it brings light and introspect to so much I have found so stressful in recent days.

Well since your probably all wondering why shorty 2-40 aka Brett is in a hospital room asleep, it’s because wen they wrote No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed they meant it as a fair warning to all parents that when they bump their body parts they break!! Well shorty 2-40 jumped off the ottoman and bumped his elbow aka broke it- then they surgically pinned it back together like this. He’s okay, only 3 weeks in his cast, this type of break has least bad, middle bad and worst his is the middle.

So…introspect, I have been stressed about the cervical cancer diagnoses (if I didn’t mention it- I have cervical cancer, it sucks, but they got clean margins during surgery), moving (so stressful- but God is working in our favor) and my decision to homeschool because I am getting some resistance from family (impossible commitments and CJ not understanding this will be in lieu of school and not just in addition to it) so needless to say my plate is full and my burden is heavy. I have been praying for rest in Christ, to let go of my yoke and to pick up his and to give him my burden and to shoulder his- Matt 11:30 for my yoke is easy and my burden is light. I feel like I may be praying for the wrong thing though, maybe I should be praying for more understanding of Gods plan for and my family. I am excited still to homeschool and while my plan is thrown off for this week I’m still going to do my best to rock out the rest of the week with lots of games and fun for the kiddos!

I promised my hs schedule for this week and while I don’t have time right now for everything and links to activities I can tell you we are going to do 5 days of pond/Eco system with earth day being this weekend I will be able to swing that as a field trip day and go into one specific part of the pond Eco-system next week. This past Saturday we saw The Lorax which was amazing and a great way to start this unit!! We will be incorporating Genesis and creation as well as Noah’s Ark into our study!! Being in Colorado, conservation is huge, so we will study where we live next week too…I will post a plan and links soon!